A New York State of Mind June 25, 2011

Clearly I haven’t been the most faithful of bloggers. I can blame my “new” lifestyle. I can blame a bout of writer’s block. I can even blame the inconsistent weather that befalls New York and say it messes with my chi… But those would all be excuses and I’m trying my best lately to follow the advice of a friend and not get in my own way with petty excuses. So! Simply said, I lost my focus.

But, with the arrival of FMC’s (Judie & Juan) wedding in April, I had to put my game face on and return to the world of matrimony. It had been seven months since the last wedding I attended, but a main difference with this event lie with the task of finding a date. My most pleasant choice was asking Jon (one of my closest friends) to attend with me and avoid the questioning that would revolve around me bringing anyone else. That being said, I’ve now put it out there that my love life hasn’t exactly secured it self since the last wedding. But, we’ll get to that later.

Judie & Juan’s wedding took place on April 23rd at Russo’s Bay in Long Island (or is that the Queens border? I can never tell.) Clouds threatened hard rain throughout the morning, but I knew that would do nothing to dampen the beauty of this day. Their wedding was a daytime event, meaning it started at noon and would end by 6pm. By some miracle of God, I was able to keep to a tight schedule and arrived at Jon’s house on time despite the sloshy rainfall. He erupted from his house, dressed in a tailored black suit, looking quite perfect, but bitching about the rain f’ing up his white tie. I assured him the spot could not be seen by normal eyes, and then distracted him by focusing on how well his black suit matched my purple and black flowered dress. Jon, a man of fashion, looked at me with a smile and reminded me he would never allow us to have a joint fashion mishap. Bless him.

A short time later, we found ourselves in front of Russo’s and hastily being ushered out of my car by the valet attendants. I forfeited my jacket and made a beeline for the door, crashing through it just before my hair found its way into frizz. Jon started surveying his tie again and I quickly grabbed him and led him to the bar filled with boozy delights. We started off with martinis and coffee (to ease the hangover I was fighting off due to a drinking binge with coworkers the night before.) After my palette was moist, we were led into the hall where the wedding ceremony would be held. Finding seats toward the back, I readied myself for the entrance of my dear friends.

Salsa singer, Kevin Ceballo, opened up the ceremony with a special song. Juan, looking wonderfully handsome, made his way to the altar with his mother and father. Shortly thereafter, the music changed and we were asked to stand. The doors fell open once more and in glided the stunningly beautiful bride, flanked by her parents. Judie is a natural beauty; she has high cheekbones and a captivating smile. Now, dressed in a gorgeous curve-hugging gown, and made up just enough to accentuate her natural beauty without looking overdone, Judie was breathtaking. I nearly started crying just at the sight of her (cut me some slack, I’m allowed to be girly once in a while!)

As she joined Juan at the altar I was suddenly aware that the man was on the verge of a tear filled waterfall.  It was adorable and almost brought me to tears myself. Juan was so anxious he jumped to kiss his bride before the ceremony even began and was quickly (and affectionately) scolded by the officiant. The crowd giggled and the ceremony commenced. Now I know Judie to be a funny woman, but her vows nearly had me howling in laughter. Of course they were also laced with sweet sentiments, but Juan’s heartfelt monologue was the more emotional of the two and all I could keep thinking was how lucky these two were to find each other.

Soon thereafter they were pronounced man and wife and sashayed their way back down the aisle and out the back door. We were then led back to the cocktail area, now decorated with several food stations. Jon and I quickly made use of our plates, piling them high with pasta, veggies, pork, fish, fruit — the deliciousness of it all left us with no shame. As we chowed down we discussed our lives and our futures. Jon is gay and greatly looks forward to having his own wedding and family one day. It makes me sad to think that laws may make one part of that equation very difficult for him. I wish I could forfeit my “right” to wed to someone who believes in marriage so much more than I do. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Our conversations and debates about life and love were interrupted by an announcement that we were to return to the hall for the reception. Taking a last swig of our martinis we headed inside and learned we were sitting beside Trance, one of Judie’s best friends and a mutual friend of mine as well. His presence alone was a sure sign that the sentimental wedding would now turn towards a full on party. House music played as the newlywed couple made their way into the hall. First and parental dances were had and soon enough we were all joining the lovers on the floor to sweat out our excessive martinis.

The next few hours were a blur of wonderfulness. Jon and I danced to top 40, salsa, bachata and endless bouts of merengue. A live band (Los Homeboys) graced the stage and called Judie and Juan up to join them. Showcasing their hip-gyrating talents, the couple got the whole crowd involved in the dance extravaganza.  Calling it memorable is an understatement. Between dances there was more food, more drink and more laughs. I only broke from the fun to use the restroom, and in doing so found yet another sweet surprise: a photo booth.

My most recent obsession with photo booths began when Jon and I found one in a dive bar on 9th avenue months ago. Since then, whenever I come across a booth I must grab someone to take photos with me. If not, I might turn into dust or something medieval and tragic like that.  Jon and I grabbed a clapperboard and a boa and jumped into the booth. After emerging with some fun photos, I spotted Judie, grabbed her hand and cut the line of party-goers while announcing, “I’m allowed to cut the line, I have the bride!” Fortunately, Juan found us, joined in, and now I have printed memories of our quartet being ridiculous together.

The problem with fun and beautiful weddings is they tend to move along too quickly. Before we knew it, hours had passed and it was time to wish the couple well on their honeymoon to Italy. I hugged Judie fiercely, made her promise she’d have the most amazing time in Europe and contact me as soon as she returned. I approached Juan just the same and then let them both go off to attend to their other guests. Jon and I made our way to the valet and learned the clouds had begun to clear. The transition into a beautiful day.

As we drove away, Jon commented on the experience. “That was an excellent wedding and they clearly love each other more than anything.” I smiled. Jon had never met the couple before, and yet he could acknowledge their shared love. I’m honored to know people who still love this way despite any outside factors. While I have my own opinions, my own doubts, while there are facts to back up my claims, and sad stories of experience to be told, I still know a few people who have made it through the bullshit. And in knowing Judie and Juan, I still have hope.

Love you guys!

[Addendum:: Since I wrote this original post, NY state legislation passed a law allowing same-sex marriages. Yay New York!!!!!]

Floridian Bliss- aka Marjorie’s Wedding October 18, 2010

It always amazes me how time can be so easily manipulated. It feels as if Marjorie and Erick were engaged only months ago, as if we helped Marjorie pick out her dress only weeks ago, as if we drank ourselves silly only days ago at her bachelorette  party. But alas! This is not true. The year long process ended the weekend of October 1st, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, during the final leg of an intense journey.

What would have been a week long trip for Melissa and I, turned out to be a strict Friday-Sunday stay because of our job obligations. All was running smoothly until I received an email from Continental on Thursday saying mine and Melissa’s flight for Friday had been cancelled.  We’d been rebooked on an evening flight which would mean we’d miss the rehearsal and the dinner, and possibly THE ENTIRE WEDDING!

I was about to freak out, open a window of my 43rd floor office and scream to the heavens, but my coworkers calmed me down. I sat on hold with the airline for 45 minutes before finally having the chance to speak to an agent. Poor Lily, she never saw my maniac monologue coming. In one breath I said “MynameisLaurenRivera.Iwassupposedtobeonthe930amflighttoFortLauderdaleanditgotcancelledandI’mmaidofhonorandI
havetobethere!Pleasehelp!”
After suggesting I pop some Xanax, Lily went to work and 15 minutes later, Melissa and I were re-booked onto a 650am flight. We might not be sleeping much, but at least we would make it.

Zombified, Melissa and I made our way to Newark adorned with our carryon bags and our bridesmaid dresses. Suddenly, flying with the dresses seemed incredibly stupid. There was nowhere to hang them and so up into the overhead they went. I didn’t have the brainpower to worry about what they’d look like when we landed.

Hurricane Nicole had just blown through Florida and her reminants were dispersing, making way for the bright and beautiful sun. The rays beckoned me poolside even though I should have been catching a short snooze. A few hours later, slightly tanned and flanked on each side by my mom and Melissa, I entered the church. We were greeted by Marjorie, our fearless, gorgeous leader and ran through the motions of the ceremony. Afterward, I was entirely paranoid that it would be me who would somehow manage to screw this whole thing up.

We quickly made our way to Bimini Boatyard where we were joined by a large group of the bride and groom’s families. My mother, Melissa and I made use of the marina setting by pretending we owned each yacht as part of our Billionaire Girls Club.

Glasses of wine were poured, childhood stories were told and laughs were had. All the “kids” (everyone under 40) planned to head out to the Fort Lauderdale club area afterward. Melissa and I made the wise choice of banking our party hours for the following day and called it a night. To hell with being young and fun, we had beauty sleep to catch!

The next morning I awoke first at 745am to commence the preparation process. Showered and packed, my trio left Pembroke Pines feeling as if we’d hardly set foot there and headed back to Fort Lauderdale. Arriving at the Hyatt by 930am, Melissa and I rushed down to the hair and makeup room while my mom checked in. The scene appeared less like wedding prep and more like behind the scenes of Next Top Model. Beauty stations filled the small ballroom and hair and makeup artists were diligently working on their customers. I asked for a natural looking face and pretty ponytail then let those with masterful hands take the reigns. When all was said and beautified, I felt runway ready.

Knowing we would soon be swept up in wedding day madness, Melissa and I took a seat at the hotel’s bar and grabbed a quick lunch. Erick swung by to say hello before finding a room to park his belongings. He was the total opposite of Marjorie; stressed. Whereas she had an air of complete calm, he walked around with a sense of urgency. If I ever get married, I hope to handle the ordeal like Marjorie…but I’ll probably be like Erick.

At 1230pm we reported to Marjorie’s hotel room where she was posing for photographers. Lorie, her drill sergeant of a wedding planner, ran about with a quickness, pulling pins and blotting tissues out of thin air. I stepped aside for fear of derailing her and causing World War 3. When Marjorie slipped into her dress, I spent a few moments frozen in time. It wasn’t just that she looked gorgeous, but also a confirmation that this was all really happening. My best friend was getting married.

Grouped together like a small procession, we all made our way to the hotel’s lobby where the limo awaited us along with Majorie’s parents and Liliana, Erick’s niece who was acting as flower girl. Incredibly calm and sweet, Lilana, in her little white dress, was lost among the cloud of purple. I grabbed her hand and guided her into the limo. Crammed together, all eight of us slid with the turns and popped out of our seats with the bumps as we made our way to the church.

Once inside, all the bridesmaids created a line of defense to insure no one saw Marjorie in her dress before coming down the aisle. The church might in fact crumble if one glance was stolen. With our mission accomplished, Marjorie safely hidden in a cubby corner, we lined up for the procession down the aisle. Amazingly, I didn’t walk too quickly or fall as I made my way to the altar. Melissa, Oscar and Fernando joined me before we turned to watch Marjorie make her grand entrance. And grand it was! She had somehow managed to look even more stunning than she did 5 minutes before. I felt my eyes tear up just a bit, but she didn’t look the least bit phased. Marjorie and her sense of calm, always present.

Erick, the handsome and happy groom, accepted his wife to be and so began the ceremony. During said ceremony I: 1) Nearly laughed out loud several times not because anything was actually funny, but because I knew I absolutely should not laugh and so, of course, I couldn’t think of anything but laughing. 2) When the priest stood to deliver Communion, Melissa and I slapped our hands against our hearts (a sign that we are not practicing Catholics and were skipping Communion) so quickly and in perfect unison, that Fernando and Oscar had to hold back their own laughter from across the altar. 3) Ran after Marjorie every time she moved away from her post so I could fix her train.

It was an intense 60 minutes.

And then it was over and they were officially husband and wife.

Whereas everyone else got to cut out, head back to the hotel and lounge, the wedding party had to go on a photo taking adventure. In the hot Floridian sun, we made our way through courtyards, parks and the middle of traffic heavy streets. All the while, I held tight to Liliana’s hand. Although her father, Oscar, was with us I had taken a very special liking to her and deemed myself her babysitter. Her soft-spoken mannerisms and angelic smile had me fall in love instantaneously and when several people mistook me for her mother, I was honored. Children like Liliana are rare. But, while I’m usually the person who says time and time again that I may never feel the urge to have my own kids, it’s children like her that make me feel something entirely different. Some deeply buried maternal instinct roars its way through me and I have to get my bearings before I go off the deep end and starting planning for a child I’m nowhere near having.

Several hundred beautiful photos later, we returned to the hotel and joined everyone for the cocktail hour. I bum-rushed the bar and downed 3 Grey Goose with a splash of cranberry cocktails within 20 minutes. I wasn’t trying to set a record, I was just thirsty. Soon enough I was intoxicated, as was Melissa and we made our way to the bathroom, but not before stopping to play a grand piano in the foyer of the hall. I have no business playing a piano…but I did it anyway.

Buzzed, jolly and excited, we made our entrances into the ballroom and the evening activities officially began. We danced, everyone but myself ate, and soon enough it was time for the Best Man and Maid of Honor speeches. My intoxicated fuzz had me believing it was possible my heart might literally jump out of my chest and run for the hills. Nervous was an understatement. I’d spent a week preparing this speech; had my coworkers give me notes and my “life coach” give me his most honest opinion. Overall, it passed everyone’s judgement with good grace… but I was still scared.

I followed Oscar up to Marjorie and Erick’s table, folded paper with scribbled notes dug deep in my palm. Oscar winged it, and at the end, challenged me to give a better toast. I was less concerned with having a better speech and more concerned with simply surviving this. That’s the thing about being a writer: everyone expects you to write, preferably, something amazing. With that burden on my shoulders, I grabbed the mic, made a joke about actually needing a piece of paper because I had a lot more to say than Oscar, and when that got laughs, I began to relax. Below is the video of both mine and Oscar’s speeches, mine starts  at 1:49 although you should totally watch Oscar’s as well

Dance videos!

After the speech, I was approached by several people who made it a point of telling me how great the speech was. Yet another mission accomplished. I was now free to fully enjoy myself, but not before trooping back over to our hotel room to grab flip flops for my mom, Melissa and I. I offered to go alone because I felt one of my moments coming on. By the time I made it to the room, I desperately needed fresh air. I opened the balcony sliding door and plopped down on the concrete floor. The ocean was smooth underneath the bright moon before me. I was suddenly reminded of my break down at Pablo’s wedding just months before. The difference between the two evenings? I was now even farther away from the possibility of my own nuptials considering I was no longer in a relationship. I remember staring down at my hands and my unadorned left ring finger. Marjorie and Erick’s story, how they’ve known each other since childhood, but came together as adults, is the kind of story I’d probably end up writing a script for one day. And there are a ton of other romantic plot lines I’ll piece together as well. But when I’ll actually start believing in them? That is still yet to be determined…If ever.

I shook my drunken head back to reality, wiped away the small tears that had formed at the corner of my eyes and remembered that I was supposed to be doing something… HAVING FUN! And like a switch, fun Lauren was back. She returned to the reception and to the dance floor. She met a group of wedding attenders and headed to the beach at midnight. She swam, yet again, in darkened waters and then had a slice of pizza to toast her survival. She returned to the hotel and joined everyone for a 2am dip in the pool and hot tub. She laughed. And for what it’s worth, she gave not another thought to her own bullshit and instead enjoyed the happiness emitted from those around her.

Bridal Weekend Extravaganza! October 5, 2010

The first and only wedding I’d been a part of prior to this 365 days of marital mayhem was my cousin Danielle’s wedding in the summer of 2004. Participating in that wedding as a bridesmaid was a breeze; buy a dress, show up, stand at the front of the church, party. The end.

My participation in Marjorie’s (FMH) wedding was a hugely different experience. Prior to the wedding, there was the bridal shower and bachelorette party the weekend of September 10th. My last post dealt with the emotional affect the planning had on me. The actual weekend went a little something like this…

I arrived at the bridal shower a bit later than originally intended. Luckily, most of the guest’s clocks and watches were as imprecise as mine and people were still filing in. The small room looked adorable, adorned in red and purple decorations. I played DJ on the jukebox equipped with pop chart toppers. The food was yummy, the games entertaining and many laughs were had.

With every wedding event I attend comes the inevitable statement of my own future, especially if my mother is present. It goes a little something like: “I don’t think I’ll ever have grandchildren. Lauren may never even get married!” *Insert huge sigh here* No pressure. None at all.

Easy to see why I was relieved when the day moved on; we dwindled down to a smaller group and hit the streets of NYC. But not before having to figure out how in the hell Majorie’s rented bridal chair would fit into Melissa’s car.

After a brief layover at Melissa’s house, we left Brooklyn and made our way toward downtown NYC.

The irony of the situation was evident the minute we emerged from the subway. Our hotel for the evening was the Millennium, located across the street from the World Trade Center. The current date was September 11, 2010. (It was the only date that had worked for everyone involved.) We made our way through hordes of tourists and NYers paying their respects around the site. After checking into our junior suite, we stood by the windows which had an amazing view of both upper NYC and the Trade Center reconstruction. The eerie beauty of it was almost overwhelming and the four of us were stuck between moments of reverence and anticipating the evening’s activities.

We drank horrible homemade Vodka mixes and told stories of our love life pasts. The room was filled with giggles and “GET OUTTA HERE!”s for a couple of hours before we finally decided we’d be hitting a string of SoHo bars and lounges. A quick cab ride got us to R Bar on Bowery. There was a private party underway, but what bouncer would turn down 6 beautiful females? After dancing around to some tunes, throwing back a glass or two, and claiming the place lame, we moved East to Allen Street. There we stopped (and stayed) at People. Various friends joined us throughout the night and with each new group, rounds of shots were bought and drank.

I’ve learned, in my old age, that my body does NOT like shots anymore. Evidence of this lies in the fact that I don’t remember a good portion of the evening…But my stomach did. Let’s just say I was sick three times. The following morning found me dazed and confused, and Marjorie and Melissa fast asleep. I awoke them because I had to get some work done and could not spend any more time at the hotel. I nudged Marjorie’s leg as I swayed off balance. She popped her eyes open ever so softly.
“You have fun?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Good. That’s all that matters.”

And with that I left my friends, spending the next 12 hours in hangover hell but feeling satisfied that it was a night we’d speak about for many years to come.

(Marjorie’s wedding was 10/2. A post on that will arrive later this week.)

Maid of Horrible September 13, 2010

I’m not cut out for this.

Somewhere between the time I said “Sure!” to these Maid of Honor requests, and today, my life was… normal. Or at least, as normal as it could be. I had the kind of job that blessed me with a reliable social life, I was in a relationship and my family life was semi-stable. All at once that changed.

My mom went into a series of hospital visits. My three year long relationship ended. And I started my career. Not a new job, but a career. And for those of you that don’t follow my regular blog I didn’t exactly start a life long journey in something 9-5ish. I jumped head first into the entertainment industry. I became an associate field producer for an Emmy award winning daytime TV talk show. This formula created something completely chaotic that changed who I was and who my friends and family had known me to be.

I became the biggest flake.

Not exactly a good thing when you’re maid of honor for two upcoming weddings. There are restaurants to book, favors to find and dresses to have altered. When the change came I suddenly, and whole heartedly,  sucked. At all of it. Like very badly sucked. The bride of the October wedding lucked out in the fact that she picked an awesome Matron of Honor who stepped up and pretty much handled everything on her own. And me? I sat aside with absolutely no time to contribute to the cause and instead wrote checks as my sole contribution. It makes me feel pretty shitty. But this is my life now. And ironically this does in some way connect to my future with marriage… or without it.

I’ve come to know several women in the production business and 85% of them are in their 30s or 40s without a husband or children. They love their careers and maybe it’s been their priority to keep their lives outside of work conducive to the craziness that is this business. In only four weeks I’ve learned that scale of balance is a constant slippery slope. Prior to joining this world my interaction with the idea of marriage was based solely on my own inhibitions. Now I’ve gone and thrown something completely extra into the mix. What’s more important? Living a life that makes me reliable and allows me the time to foster relationships while having me bored out of my mind with 8 hours of every day that passes me by, or enjoying what I do for a living and being given the satisfaction that my hard work actually means something to me, but losing a grip on pretty much everything else? How do you choose? How do you mesh?

Maybe this is early speak. Maybe by the time next April comes and the weddings have all wrapped up I’ll have figured it out. Or maybe I’ll just be further away from a planned future than I am now. Maybe I’ll have found a way to settle down for good. Or maybe I’ll go weeks without sleep and recover on Caribbean islands (when I can afford it) before returning to the grind.  Maybe nothing will be much different than it is right now.

Regardless of where I end up I hope those who I have let down know that I have not done so with ill intentions. That I love them for being my friends, but that I hope they understand this is what I need to do. Right now, and maybe for always. Because what light can I bring to other’s worlds if mine is filled with glumness?

La Isla del Encanto – aka Pablo’s Wedding July 14, 2010

It boggles me to think I began this blog at a time when the first event seemed so incredibly far off. Back in 2009 Pablo (FMD) alerted me his wedding would be of the destination type and would take place on July 10. The chosen destination was Puerto Rico; my homeland of sorts considering both my parents’ families derived from the island and each have a slew of relatives that still reside there. Needless to say I spent many vacations with this family who often refused to acknowledge that I didn’t speak their language and ran their tongue in ways I still can’t always comprehend. Why I never learned Spanish is still a mystery to me and a point that brings my parents to a full on war of denial, but that’s another story…wasn’t I talking about a wedding here??

My friends (a small group of people I met in college and have stayed very close to) and I arrived several days before the wedding and stayed on the north east coast of the island, but what occurred outside of the wedding is irrelevant here and so I will blog about that on my personal blog. What’s important now is the amazingness my crew and I experienced on the day of Pablo and Amanda’s nuptials.

Fans for the guests

We arrived to El Conquistador Resort after swerving and climbing through several miles of mountainous terrain. At the top of said mountains, we were met by a stretch of golf course that was something out of a golfer’s wet dream. It was lush, green and ran for miles. Although I’d been to this resort 15 years before, the size of it still amazed me. And that was only the first of many moments of awe that I was to experience during the evening.

Flanked by my two dates (Antonio and Adonis, my brothers from another mother who also came to the wedding solo), we approached the main building of the resort that was truly a wonderful replica of something you might see in Barcelona. I have a thing for terracotta and tile. If it were normal to build a house made of those materials in NY, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But, unfortunately, the only place where such a house would blend in would be Florida. Eh. Moving on…

Everything about the place was elaborate and gorgeous. There were pools, slides, beautiful foliage and an amazing view of the ocean and islands off the coast of Fajardo. While we would have loved to roam around, we only had 15 minutes to find the ceremony and in a normal event hall that would have been easy; on a resort housing what feels like thousands of acres, not so much. I’ve never been more thankful that, unlike me, my friends aren’t plagued with the absence of a Spanish tongue. With just a few quick chats they were directed to the correct area and we arrived just in time.

Upon the crest of a hill stood an altar, sheer white fabric wound about and floating in the soft breeze. Beyond the altar lie the bluest of oceans and the thinnest of clouds. I momentarily lost my breath and then was snapped out of it when I was nearly yanked into a chair by Adonis. Pablo had arrived and was making his way down the aisle. Now I know weddings are about the bride, but I have to say the man looked sharp! A beautiful burnt orange tie accented his light gray suit perfectly, and his robust smile was the final touch.

The groom awaits his bride.

When Amanda arrived my jaw nearly hit the ground. Firstly, let me say that Amanda is an absolutely adorable young woman, but in my eyes she’s always felt like a kid sister, shorter than me and full of innocence. However, when I saw her come down that aisle, I saw the most beautiful bride, a woman who stood tall and ready to take on the world with her new husband. I started tearing up. “Already?” Antonio asked me, “It hasn’t even really started. Get it together!” I sucked it up and watched the couple take their positions by the altar.

The bride approaches

A pastor with a smooth voice brought us all to attention and began the ceremony which included vows, a symbolic mixing of white sand and of course, a set of I Dos. When they kissed, we cheered and when they came down the aisle together as Mr. and Mrs. Diaz, we cheered even more. Then they ran away for photo taking and we hit the bar set up on the grassy knoll. We drank Cuba Libres and Margaritas while we planned timed attacks on the waiters who brought out appetizers like piononos and empanadas. I’d have a wedding in PR just for options like those.

They kiss as a married couple

Inside one of the main buildings, we were guided to the reception hall; a quaint room decorated in the orange of Pablo’s tie and Amanda’s flowers. Unlike some halls I’ve been to, the decorations around the room were neither tacky nor old-fashioned. They were modern and majestic looking. We took our seats at the Rio Grande table (each table was very cutely named after a city in Puerto Rico) and awaited the arrival of our hosts. When they joined us, entering the room to some party music and finding their way to the dance floor, it dawned on me that my dear friend was now a husband. Wow.

Watching them dance with their parents brought me to tears once more, at which point I was shoulder checked by Antonio. Low and behold, when Pablo gave his thank you speech, Antonio was right there with me, reaching for a napkin to wipe the tears from his face. At least he held it somewhat together. Me? I was on the verge of sobbing. It had everything to do with the context of Pablo’s speech…

It revolved around Amanda’s fight with Lupus over the last two years. Although I may never fully understand what this couple has gone through since their meeting, I was easily reminded of what Pablo had shared with me about the experience and from what I viewed with my own eyes during Amanda’s bouts of sickness. But the most amazing part of it all? Remembering how Amanda never looked defeated. How she fought through her illness with a sureness and strength that I’ve never seen in anyone. And how, through it all, Pablo was by her side. Damn. That, my friends, is love.

Pablo giving his thank you speech

I forgot what brought us all out of the most touching and emotional speech I’ve ever heard, it was probably one of Pablo’s random and hilarious one liners. Whichever the case, we were soon laughing, then eating, and quickly on our way to partying. The DJ’s mix of salsa, merengue and dance jams left me without a choice but to dance the entire evening. Adonis battled it out with Pablo in a dance match, and a plenero band (a traditional Latin improv percussion group) called me out to the dance floor to follow a set of dance rules… in Spanish. I understood that the leader was asking me to shake my hips to the beat, I just couldn’t remember the translation of each numeral he was throwing at me as a guide. “Siete!” he called out, and I shook my hips 6 times, one beat short. Everyone laughed. I told them I meant to do that.

The Dance Off

After many rounds on the dance floor and just as many rounds at the bar, a group of us headed to the balcony to smoke cigars. Big mistake. Not because I was smoking, but because the lack of music and distraction brought me front and center to the obvious issue at hand. I was at a wedding. Of a friend my age. Slowly but surely, each of my close friends would be married by 2011. I stood off to the side, and peered out at what was now a very dark ocean. Antonio noticed I had wandered off and came to join me while everyone else turned back to the reception. He’s been a close friend for 10 years, I didn’t need to speak for him to know what I was thinking about, but I did so anyway. While continuing my gaze at the ocean I said, “I just realized my beef with weddings.” He asked, “And what would that be?” “It’s not that I don’t believe in marriage, it’s quite the opposite. I hold them in such high regard that I can’t imagine ever being a part of one.” Antonio has his own relationship scars, some deeper than mine. “I know exactly what you mean.” We said nothing else, but stared at the ocean for several more minutes like two wing-clipped angels staring off at a heaven they can’t be a part of. OK, that was a dramatic statement…but I kind of like it.

Once back at the reception we were immediately thrown in the mix of the ongoing party that lasted well through the evening. When the last song played at midnight, I wanted to pout. I was having too much fun with friends I realized I just don’t see enough. Friends I spent countless hours with in a dorm room or a study hall. Friends that sometimes knew me better than I knew myself.

After long and tight hugs with both the bride and groom, my crew made their way back to the car. Throughout the ride home, Adonis, Dexter and I reminisced (as we often do) about our times together in college while Antonio and Stephanie caught the first train to dream world. We laughed to the point of stomach cramps and by the time we arrived at our hotel I wanted nothing more than to surrender my experience to memory so my brain could get some rest.

But before I closed my eyes, I thanked the higher powers that be for blessing Pablo and Amanda with a love I will forever admire and for blessing me with a group of friends I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Adonis, Me, Antonio

All the buds

The Lovely Newlyweds

From unGirly to Girly in 24 Hours June 8, 2010

Often my life is ironic. So ironic, in fact, that I begin to wonder if it’s all part of some master plan created by the gods of irony and non-coincidence. Case in point: This weekend I spent an entire day on the set of my company’s latest web production where I play a character named Maddie; she’s a tomboyish female struggling to get her femininity in order by obtaining girl friends. The very next day I had to attend a girl date with FMC and the rest of her bridal party. In essence, a bunch of girls together to discuss a wedding = Maddie’s worst nightmare.

Luckily, I am not my character.

While I’d admit to not being terribly enthralled by the idea of trying on bridesmaids dresses yet again, I was happy to spend time with FMC. She has chosen me as Maid of Honor for her April ’11 wedding, but with our crazy schedules we haven’t had much time to catch up. So I now had two reasons to be motivated: spending time with her…and drinking heavily.

While FMC does many things well (she’s an awesome photographer), it’s her choice of restaurants that never proves her wrong. This time around she chose Agozar, a Cuban restaurant in the LES. I greeted her with a warm hug and she was quick to mention the unlimited sangria was only available for another hour. (I’m going to use that as my excuse for drinking more than 5 glasses within that allotted time period: peer pressure.) During our time there we laughed, gabbed, and received bridal party gifts (yummy tank tops and candles) complete with a newsletter welcoming us to the experience and alerting us of important dates. Internally I had this moment of questioning: should I have helped with this? That might be the first moment between being chosen as Maid of Honor for both FHM and FMC’s weddings that I realized I don’t really know what the hell I should be doing. Nor have I had the time to really sit down and think about it. I made a silent vow to up my participation in such matters…and then downed another glass of the red stuff.

After several photo ops and a shot of Patron (why!), we headed to David’s Bridal on 6th Avenue. The weather was balmy and threatened to rain so we split up and jumped into cabs. I had to ride shotgun as FMC, Haizel and Tara rode in the backseat. I think I figured out I was drunk when I couldn’t get over the fact that I had trouble remembering who sang a song called “Back in the Days.” Either that, or when I decided I knew NYC better than the cab driver and was trying to direct him. I’m sure he couldn’t wait to throw us out of the cab.

At David’s Bridal we were no better. Retrospectively, I realize we were that group of drunk, obnoxious girls that enters a bridal store with only one thing in mind: act like idiots. I’m a little hazy with remembering the exact course of events, but what I do remember is trying on several dresses we had no intention of buying (Maali and Trance arguing over a particular red one), sharing a dressing room with the other 3 females in the party and choreographing a Tina Turner style dance segment for the whole store to see. Wait, what? Yeah. We did that.

Sometime later we got into serious mode (maybe FMC smacked us upside the head and I just don’t remember) and tried on a two piece set in a pinkish color. What I’ve learned after two dress fittings is that it’s a BITCH to coordinate a style that compliments everyone in your wedding party. Someone is short, someone is tall, someone has wide hips, someone has no hips, someone is super tan or super pale. You can’t win. Although I was pleasantly surprised by the top of the outfit, I wasn’t very excited about the bottom. But, in the end it’s like I’ve said in the past: it’s not about me. I openly and happily relinquish control to the bride.

After the dress hoopla I started to not feel so well. I opted out of seeing Sex and the City 2 because there is only so much girly stuff I can take in one day, and headed home. By 8pm I was on the couch with my boyfriend watching the intro for the MTV awards and we had this conversation:

Me: Babe, I don’t feel so great.
Him: Sweets, I think it’s called a hangover-
Me: (cutting him off) Wow, I totally tried on a dress that would have been perfect for this red carpet!
Him: What?
Me: (cutting him off again) Shh! You wouldn’t understand. You’re a boy!
Him with a look of “whatever” on his face.
Me…smile.

Check out pics here:http://public.fotki.com/ElleJRivera/limited-brunch-album/

Marriage: Is it just a word? April 23, 2010

A wise man once said to me, “Marriage is what you make of it. Maybe you’re in love, maybe you’re just undergoing a business transaction. You and I could get married for health and tax benefits. Simple as that.”

No, this wasn’t Mr. Wise Man’s way of proposing to me. He’s a gay man. In fact, Mr. Wise Man wasn’t even aware of the light he’d just shone in my eyes. (Evident from how he easily returned to his salmon platter.) I blinked. And then returned to my own Greek salad to mull it over.

The idea and purpose of marriages has changed drastically over the last 60 years. Just ask my 85 year old grandmother who (after I turned 21) wondered if every guy I dated would turn out to be my husband. After seven years of perking her ears like a happy puppy only to be told there were no marriage treats in my shopping bag, she finally let up. I hate to let her down but I just don’t feel the pressure. I don’t have the need to settle down for a life long commitment simply because so many around me seem to be. Which lead me to my next question: Why did they chose to get married?

I’ve heard several answers over the years. They were not all rosy and cushy as one might hope.

“Because we’ve been together for ten years and…it’s just time.”
“Because they give me what I need.”
“Because I want to plan the rest of my life with someone.”

With each of these I scrunched my nose like I’d just smelled something terrible. These answers were so…functional. Like a simple means to an end. The irony? The more answers I heard that left a bad taste in my mouth, the more I began to realize what it would take for me to ever consider marriage: the complete opposite.

IF I ever get married it will be because I want to share something with this person that I don’t plan to share with anyone else for the rest of my life. I want to know, without a doubt, that I could never love anyone the way I love them. I want to be sure that they can have my back as well as I can have theirs (emotionally, financially, etc.) I want to know that if I ever decide to have kids, they are capable of helping to raise the children every step of the way. And most of all I want to know that I WANT it, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

But hey…that’s just my opinion. I leave you with a clip from the movie “Shall We Dance” where Susan Sarandon explains why she thinks people get married (thanks for this Sandra!)

Guest Blogger: Rosanna Hardin March 23, 2010

Note from me: Rosanna from MyWeddingWorkbook.com reached out and let me know she was loving my blog. We then decided to do a cross guest blog experience. Below is her blog on notes for a Maid of Honor and my blog on her site can be found here:http://www.myweddingworkbook.com/blog/index.cfm/2010/3/22/10-tips-for-shopping-for-bridesmaids-dresses–a-guest-blog-by-Lauren-J-Rivera Enjoy!

Before you say “yes” to being Maid of Honor

With most engagements lasting 12-18 months, there’s much more to being MOH than just showing up on the day of the wedding. For your (and the bride’s) sake, consider whether you can realistically balance the responsibility of being MOH with your own busy day-to-day schedule. Take a look at the tasks below; chances are you’ll be asked to help out with at least a few of them.

Prior to the wedding
• Listen
You will be the bride’s shoulder to lean on throughout the engagement period. Wedding planning is often as stressful as it is exciting, so be prepared to do a lot of listening!

• Checking out wedding venues
The bride will probably want your input on possible wedding venues. Be her voice of reason and ask questions like: Can this venue hold all of your guests? Is there enough parking?

• Pick out wedding invitations
Some brides will take their fiancé invitation shopping, but others will want you to go. Help out by searching for invitations that correlate with her theme.

• Ordering/choosing decorations and favors
Again, consider the theme of the wedding. If you’re responsible for ordering, it’s imperative that everything be delivered on time!

• Wedding Dress Selection
Most brides take their MOH dress shopping. It’s fun, but can be tricky for the MOH. Be honest when giving your opinion, but remember that ultimately it’s her wedding.

• Help register for gifts
Again, the bride may take her fiancé, but if she requests you to come, try to make sure you’re selecting things based on her taste.

• Organize seating arrangements
Seating arrangements can be very time consuming, but you can offer lots of help. Chances are, you know a lot of the people that will be at the wedding, so you can recommend great arrangements.

• Plan and host the bridal shower
Usually, you will organize this with the rest of the bridesmaids.

• Plan and host the bachelorette party
Again, duties can be divided up among bridesmaids.

• Keep the other bridesmaids organized
Make sure everyone is on time and doing their part.

Day of the wedding
• Assist the bride with her dress, hair, makeup etc.
• Serve as a messenger between bride, family and groom
• Witness the signing of the marriage license
• Help with the dress, veil, train and bouquet
• Hold the groom’s ring
• Give a toast at the reception/rehearsal dinner

It’s a big responsibility, but it’s also a wonderful honor. Most of all, remember to have fun and enjoy this exciting time with a close friend!

____________________
Rosanna Hardin is a writer for My Wedding Workbook, the online wedding planner software for do-it yourself brides, and My Wedding Workbook Pro, the premier wedding planning software for wedding professionals.

Visual Mayhem- EWBM’s 1st Vlog March 22, 2010

Below is a video compilation from my time in Florida with FMH and her bridal crew. Travels through Fort Lauderdale, Sunrise and Orlando resulted in a mixture of laughs, good times and a surprising tear or two. Check it!

Bristol Palin’s Fake Wedding March 17, 2010

While this has nothing to do with my blog, I thought it would be fun to post anyway. Xtranormal.com is a website that allows you to create cartoons based on scripts you put together yourself. You’re only given a small amount of characters to chose from unless you want to buy their packages/stages/etc. One of the options were Sarah Palin and Larry King. I’ll tell you first hand, I’m not a comedy writer. So, if you watch this, just take it as me putting together something entirely silly. Enjoy