I’ve logged on to this site many times since my last post with every intention of writing something insightful… and every time I do, my heart stops. This blog is about marriage, which is about relationships, which is about love, and if you know me well, you know love and I have had our issues since I started this blog. Actually “issues” is an understatement. We’ve been in the middle of a war. Yes, war is much more appropriate a word.
I suit up (in warm PJs that love me as much as I love them), I gear up (with a cold glass of white wine that makes me feel spright) and I ferociously type the password to my battle. And when I scroll back to my first ever entry, I think…
Oh sweetie, if you only knew how much life would change over the next few years you wouldn’t look so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!
Yep, it’s been almost three years since I first posted about my ideas surrounding marriage, and where I now stand may be more complicated than when I began.
Don’t jump the gun with your assumptions; I’m not yet married, nor am I engaged. I’m hardly treading the waters of relationship territory. Ironically, I’ve spent the last few years being more single than I have since I was 13. Yes, you read that correctly: I spent nearly 15 years of my life holding a boyfriend’s hand. And what’s ironic about that statement is that it seems to imply I’m the codependent type. I’m not. On the contrary, I’m the most independent version of myself when I’m in a relationship. Maybe it’s because that’s when I feel most safe, when I can finally exhale and feel like some part of my life is in check and I can just be me. Maybe it’s because I love the feeling of loving someone. Or maybe it’s a combination of both things mixed with the fact that I am female and by nature I have to act girly once in a while (it’s in my contract with God.)
Now I’m sitting here, watching the cursor blink in a way that shouts: It’s time for you to write again, darn it! But what is there to write about? I don’t have any weddings to attend in the near future, I don’t have a conclusive answer for how I feel about marriage and love… but maybe that’s the point. Maybe the point is to make this blog more about my journey instead of guessing what the last post ever will be… because what would be the fun in that?
So there we have it… Going forward, this blog will be about relationships – those from my past, those of my friends, and family… It will be about random thoughts, conversations or reveals of concrete facts I find on the all-knowing interwebs. And maybe, just maybe, it will be the blueprint for that book/memoir/screenplay I’ve been trying to write. Whatever it becomes, I hope y’all are interested in following the journey…so let’s chat 😉