I’m almost three months away from my wedding. Like hours away from three months, which is just days away from the day, which is going to fly by because suddenly vendors want to talk to me again, and because little rsvp cards are arriving in my mailbox, and because my fittings are around the corner (so I juiced again) and, and, and….. Welcome to my train of thought.
The irony is that I was warned about this. “You think a year is a long time? Not when you’re engaged. Fastest year of your life.” I assumed this was true, but it’s never as real as when you are actually living through it. And I wish I had these crazy stories about what this process has been like, but the truth is, it’s been pretty easy, it’s just happened so fast! Probably has something to do with the fact that I’m a producer and weddings seem to imitate field shoots. Instead of cameramen, makeup artists and talent to juggle, I have DJs, videographers and musicians. I got this.
So instead, what has stopped me in my tracks is a realization of something I took for granted on April 19, 2013. I assumed, as I squealed “Yes!” and let my fiance adorn my finger with a gorgeous ring, that I was 100% ready to get married. And now, I’m suddenly very aware that I wasn’t. What I knew in that moment was that my answer was most definitely not “no” which doesn’t necessarily mean it was 100% “yes”…if that makes any sense. And if it doesn’t, let me explain…
There’s something about wedding planning that can bring out the best and worst in people. There are people I just can’t seem to agree with on anything. And then there’s my fiance. We’ve debated over one thing: engraved favors vs. hand painted. That’s it. There are about five hundred and sixty two things we could have argued about. But the arguments never came. We talked everything out, we planned accordingly, we voiced concerns and found solutions. Oh, and in the midst of all this planning, we moved in together. We share one bathroom and it takes us both at least ten minutes to do our hair, yet we’ve figured out a system and it’s only faltered once. We’ve been a team.
And now, nine months from the day I said “yes” and three months from the day I’ll say “I do”, it’s very clear to me that I want to marry a man who I can talk to about almost anything, who won’t judge me for my decisions but will help me through them, who will calm me down when I can’t choose between royal blue or electric blue, or casual script font and fancy font. Who adjusts his morning routine to not interfere with mine. Who cleans the dishes because I dread it. Who has accepted me for who I am, both my adorable side and my moody… And I have that man. Now, I know I do.
How could I have known last April what I know now? Back then, it was just an assumption, a leap of faith that we were as good together as I believed we were. But now that we’ve been tested, I know. Now that I’m almost getting married, I’m fully aware of how right I was in saying yes to a question that reflects more than one day, than one moment, it’s an answer I’ll hold confidently for a lifetime.
(Cake tasting might be one of the best aspects of planning a wedding. Just saying.)